she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
