it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
