We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I smell stomach acid.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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