If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
