I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
