i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
