his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
