I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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