Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
tell me about the eggs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
