Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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