Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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