I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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