I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think your dad took our porno
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
