you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
