So drunk its hurt
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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