It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
