He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
