Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
