I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
