I faked an abortion last night.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
