Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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