I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
