so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
