I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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