apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
