I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
