your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
