i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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