Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
