I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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