stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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