I accidentally burped into my bong.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
