I just made out with a guy for $7.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
