so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
