Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
