The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
