Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
