Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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