Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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