Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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