omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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