But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My vagina just recognized that song.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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