she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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