alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
