Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
