I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
