Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
