I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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