just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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