You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
