Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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